The Value of a Relationship With Addictions.

Only you can make yourself happy. However, other people can make you very unhappy. If you are causing someone else’s unhappiness in the name of love, or vice versa, and either there are external factors that are taking way from the relationship, or this is not love.

In any type of relationship, there should always be time given and excuses accepted for people who are going through rough periods. However, there should also be a time when a factual analysis of your ‘relationship’ has to be conducted. Avoid analyzing irrelevant factors such as your partner loves you, and is hurting you because they do not know how to love you, or demonstrate their love for you. These are not factors that belong in this evaluation. The underlying reasons why these factors come into play are the reasons that need to be evaluated. If your partner is not cheating on you with another person, then the odds are high that it is because your loved one is either fighting or succumbing to external addictions that your relationship has become a living nightmare. At some point you will have to admit that there is simply no rhyme or reason to live your life in this manner at all. You are in pain when with your partner, but in actuality, you are actually never with them, for they are really operating in ‘solo mode’. What good is it being on such a tumultuous roller coaster of emotions that you cannot focus on other aspects of life properly? What is the prize?

As long as a loved one tolerates the behavior of an abuser, an alcoholic, a drug addict, or any other unreasonable afflictions, then this loved one is allowing the afflicted person to continue with their behavior, and is also providing the addict with someone to take care of them, to love them, to put up with their vicious words and actions, and to be there for them and with them. There is no motivation on the part of the afflicted to change any of their behaviors. The partner is actually allowing and enabling the addict to continue succumbing to their addictions.

Many people just are unable to comprehend that their partners simply can no longer tolerate or handle their poor choices. If for instance you are an alcoholic and your boyfriend loves you enough to want to keep you from drinking alcohol, then of course there is going to be friction. You will perceive him as a warden, and he will eventually get so run down from the abuse that results from your lack of intake of alcohol, so run down from having to deal with the withdrawal spells as well as your crying spells during which you say you are sorry and beg him not to leave, that he will no longer be able to handle the situation and will leave. However, it is extremely hard to understand that he is leaving you because he loves you, but instead is leaving you because he is no longer able to physically, emotionally, and mentally handle the price to pay for loving you.

There just comes a time when you have to cut loose, and wipe the slate clean. This is the hardest thing to do, and it is an extremely painful thing to do. This is more than an emotional break-up of a relationship, as this comes with the emotions of guilt, pity, and sadness for the addict as well. It is so easy to keep making excuses for the afflicted person, and to continue saying "They really did not mean to do that. This is not the real person". Then who is it? This is the real person with one or more addictions, and they chose this way of life for themselves. This is who they have chosen to become, and they are quite content with being this person.

 

Finally, one day it is time. You know in that split second you have a choice. Your 'partner' is an anchor around your neck and they are pulling you down. You can either love them, hoist anchor and leave them setting sail for better horizons; or you can love them, lower the anchor, and remain in that one place stagnated and miserable for as long as they stay around. Either way you do not have them, for truly they never were yours. They belong to the alcohol and/or substance that they are abusing. When you are completely worn out, economically worsened by the relationship, tired of the heartache and pain, physically and mentally exhausted, they are going to kick you to the curb anyway. What good are you to them? Yes, they may thank you most graciously for all you have done, but the reality of the matter exists. If the addict chose to do this, and not feel motivated to try and climb out of the quicksand, then what will they do to you? It is time to most graciously tell them you are setting sail, and haul that anchor up as fast as you can. Throw words of love and wisdom over your shoulder for this will be the beginning of the immense catharsis of love that looms up ahead. You are in for many heartbreaking moments of guilt, anger, heartache, and pain, and so haul anchor even faster, for as soon as you begin this journey of recovery, then the sooner it will end positively for you.

Time Heals All Wounds.

Time heals all wounds.

Some of us build walls, some of us become selfish, some of us work at changing any negative attributes that may have contributed to the parting or the cause of the broken heart. We tend to trust less and love less the next time around, as a defense mechanism. Why? The greatest feeling is to love and be loved in return. Why ruin that possibility because of a prior broken heart? Its a jungle out there - but to honestly love someone, and enjoy the experience of loving them is a beautiful one. If it works where the love is returned, (remembering that people express their love differently), then that is tremendous. If it does not work out that way, ten ride out the hurt, but thrive on the memories of one's love(s), and get out and about and not pine away in the house. It is most important to be receptive to the right one when they come around.

Love yourself. In doing so you must make great effort to mend your broken heart by enjoying your own company in many places, museums, beaches, the opera or anywhere. Be in your own space, and listen to your own voice. Love yourself and anyone else in the way you wish to love them, and love them as much as you want to. 

Broken hearts mend. Otherwise, how could they get broken again? Date responsibly after the broken heart mends, and then love, love, love to the best of your capability.

Enjoy love.

A True Gift of Love.

Both my son and I are registered Organ Donors. When we leave this life for the next, all we will need is our souls, and that is easy, for we will be our souls. My son and I agree that to leave this life and bring happiness to others by the simple donation of our organs is an incredible honor. I would encourage as many people as possible to register as Organ Donors.

Imagine the magnitude of the gift of love you will give to others by your very last act on this earth.

Indescribable.

Life is Full of Choices....

Life is full of choices, and depending on our choices, we either enjoy the beauty of life and love, or be subjected to the initially slow, and then more rapid downward spiral of our life, friendships, character and our mental happiness.  It is so easy now to make the wrong choices due to the increasingly stressful pressures of life, the availability of a multitude of substances to abuse, the ease with which alcohol is presented to us, and the way in which it is presented as a crutch for all troubles.  Yet, alcohol is the gateway to even more problems, some of which will be lifelong. 

Alcohol robs us of the company and eventually the lives of some of the nicest people, and it is heartbreaking.  These people are caught in an abyss wherein they are unable to see the source of their problems, and instead see alcohol as a cure for their problems.  It is truly a "Catch 22 Situation" for the self-made victim.

For those who share our plateau......

"Hurt me once shame on you - hurt me twice shame on me".

AH ~~~ if only the rest of the world could live on our plateau ~~~but honesty, sincerity, and intense emotions frighten the weak at heart as well as those of feeble esteem. Then there are the users who have no empathy, fear, or emotion.

For most, truth is only a distant memory, and emotions are tools by which they use to manipulate the more gullible. They think they win by perhaps achieving some material or egotistical satisfaction; but never will it dawn on them as they race around with their blinders on in their closed-in, horizon less world, that they are the losers. They will never know the freedom of being totally themselves, and being open and receptive to the joy, love, passion, and surrender of one self. They will never know the wonderful feeling of inhaling so deeply that it feels that there is no need to ever breathe again, and then exhaling with such a feeling of absolute contentment, that one feels that if the world stopped at that moment in time, it would be the perfect time to stop.

For these 'wanna-be' con artists, getting over on an ego trip, or getting a couple of airline tickets, or a couple of dollars as a result of their hard luck story they told, is living. One can only feel sorry for them.

Money and jealousy - the games people play, and the lies they tell, and the hearts they break - are such a poor tradeoff. So many 'men' are now looking for women to take care of them, and what happens when the victim is gone - these men do not know how to take care of themselves, and cannot get a real job for they never had to. Their life was one big party. Now the party is over, and everyone went home except them, for they just realized they have no home or no one to go home to. Pity the fools.

The good news is that there are others who can and do live on our plateau. Maybe we have already tangoed with them, but the music or the time was not yet right, or someone was just not listening to the music with an open mind.  Perhaps one day we will meet at the right place, with the right music, and in the right frame of mind, and we will dance in perfect synchronization.

When people make a mistake, or are deliberately misled, they are tempted to leave their plateau for a lower level, a compromise of sorts. Doing so would have them making a parody of their lives, for they have found what they wanted in the partners they wanted; and even if it lasted only for one moment in time, they know that what they want is out there.  There is absolutely no reason to settle for less.

Now that our children are grown, we are able to focus more on ourselves. All the tears of previous disappointments, the heartbreaks from the users and phonies who fell off their plateau as they could not stay where they do not belong, are all going to be worth it. For they prepared us for every situation, and so when the right person ventures our way, they will be recognized for who they are.  If nothing else, the great pretenders taught us the lessons of perception.  These partners will not speak merely to be speaking, but have truth and wisdom to talk about. They do not lie, for they want nothing from us but us ourselves, and lying will never get that.  These men/women who never grew up but just got taller taught us that in the same way they appeared out of nowhere with their nonsense, and we listened to them, then we must be receptive to the men/women who appear out of nowhere with their focus, their maturity, and their healthy way of thinking and being - in other words a real man/a real woman.

Until the real man or woman shows up, we really do not need to impede progress by allowing these poor actors to take up our time and focus, and thus distract us. Sometimes, it is best to quietly say goodbye and ever so gently just close the door. Keeping a low profile for a while will subside all of the negativity, chaos and confusion that you absorbed during the last roller coaster ride. Sometimes we have to save ourselves from ourselves. Remember ---- these ARE the best days of our lives, and we will get the partners we deserve as long as we do not compromise, and as long as we do not clutter up our lives with people who simply wasting our time, and thriving on our efforts and energy.

What Have You Done Today To Make Yourself Feel Proud?

What Have You Done Today To Make Youself Feel Proud?

I have no answer for this question, or rather, I have no answer that I am not ashamed of.

Perhaps we have moments when we are more moved or touched by the words and/or actions of another. I am moved beyond years, and touched beyond tears. The reality is that for me, upon close and honest examination, I realize that there are far too many days when I would have no answer for this question.

The beauty of this question is that we have twenty four hours in which we can mold the answer to one we will not be ashamed of. This is also the beauty of life - we can always make a positive difference, and we can always continue doing acts every day that will make us feel proud.

I can and I will.

Tell It Like It Iz And Not Like It Wuz.

 

As we proceed on our journey through life, we come across some wonderful people who influence our Journey positively, and bring happiness into our lives. Yet how often do we publicly acknowledge these people while they are alive? At funerals, one or two people at the most deliver a eulogy, and this is when great things are said about the person who has died. Is that really an acknowledgement of all of the good and noble deeds that this person did when they were alive?

I am going to try to acknowledge and thank people for all of the wonderful things they have done for me, and for being there when I needed them, and for just being who they are; and I am going to do it as soon as possible and as often as possible.


I am going to "TELL IT LIKE IT IZ AND NOT LIKE IT WUZ".


Peace, Love, and Unity.

Banish Bathroom Blues With Green!

BANISH BATHROOM BLUES WITH GREEN

To be able to say "I enjoy cleaning bathrooms" and say it honestly, requires an unusually high level of enjoyment for housework and cleaning, and/or may be a call for help for therapy for some form of obsessive/compulsive disorder.

Apart from being a rather grueling and unpleasant task, bathroom cleaning may also be putting ones health at risk. In this "Quick and Easy Spray and Wipe" world that we are living in, we should really take a closer examination on what we so casually spray and wipe when we clean our shower tiles, and the grout between them. Simply reading the ingredients is enough to give one a headache. Can anyone even pronounce all of the names of the chemical ingredients correctly?

One instruction may be found on the back of all of these convenient cleaning solutions that we happily buy each week. This instruction is "Use in well ventilated areas". There is a very good reason for this. As one sprays and wipes, one is inhaling all of the unpronounceable chemicals into ones lungs for circulation throughout our bodies. It is unbelievably scary to consider how much chemicals we have inhaled and sent rushing around our bodies to possible cause cell mutation, respiratory issues, and whatever other damage possible. Additionally, how many bathrooms are actually well ventilated? A window and/or a fan is hardly considered well ventilated. Opening the doors and windows and turning on the fan only realistically achieves one goal. Instead of inhaling concentrated amounts of the cleaning chemicals, we are releasing them throughout our homes and environment to mix with the air and other chemicals.

Here are some recommendations for banishing those cleaning bathroom blues with green, as well as for making the cleaning job an easier one. Your supplies needed are some baking soda, white vinegar, a sponge, liquid detergent, some salt, a scrubbing brush with a long handle, an old toothbrush, cleaning rags, cleaning gloves, lime juice, a cleaning bucket, some newspaper, and an empty spray bottle.

Cleaning with white vinegar is one of the best ways to avoid using harsh chemical cleaners. White vinegar kills most mold, bacteria and germs. After filling the spray bottle with white vinegar, spray all taps, faucets, drains, the toilet seats as well as the base, and the shower head with the vinegar and let it sit. White vinegar also loosens the sediment that builds up from the 'clean water' that flows from the taps, so Spray generously. Pour about quarter of a small box of baking soda in the bowl of the toilet, along with a generous amount of vinegar, and some lime juice and let that sit while you tackle the bath and/or shower.

Make your own scouring cleanser by combining 1/4 cup baking soda with 1 tablespoon liquid detergent. Add just enough white distilled vinegar to give it a thick but creamy texture. With the long handled scrubbing brush, give the bath and the shower tiles a good old fashioned scrub. After rinsing away the scouring cleanser, make a paste using

using one part salt, one part vinegar, and one part baking soda. Apply this paste with the toothbrush to all of the grout that looks like it needs sprucing up, and leave the paste on the grout.

Using your homemade scouring cleanser, clean the basin with a sponge or a rag. Never use white distilled vinegar on marble. The acid can damage the surface. Using the toothbrush, scrub all the places where water sediment had accumulated. This sediment will come off quite easily as the vinegar will have worked its magic.

Kill germs on the cabinets, walls, and floorboards with a spray of full-strength white distilled vinegar. Wipe clean with a damp cloth.

Keeping the drains clog free is always a good idea, and so pour some baking soda down the drains followed up with vinegar that has been heated. The fizzing action alone is enough to ensure anyone that some serious 'anti-clogging' action is taking place. While the fizz action is taking place, revisit the bathroom wall tiles, and using the toothbrush, give a quick scrub in the areas where the homemade paste had been applied.

Give the toilet your full attention starting off by using the toilet brush and to scrub the bowl and under the rim of the toilet with the vinegar, lime and baking powder solution. Wash the entire toilet with liquid detergent and then pour some white vinegar on the rag, and wipe the toilet down with the vinegar.

Rinse the bath and/or shower tiles of any paste. Wet a rag with vinegar and give a quick wipe over the tiles and the faucets with the rag to give a sparkling shine.

Spray any mirrors with the vinegar in the spray bottle, and using the newspaper, clean the mirrors. Not only will they be squeaky clean, but they will have a brilliant shine.

Flush the toilet and then pour some lime juice into the toilet bowl, and a little into any drains. This will leave your bathroom with a great fragrance.

Fill your bucket with approximately a gallon of water, three teaspoons of liquid detergent and the remains of any vinegar left in the spray bottle. If there is not much left, then just add some vinegar directly to the bucket. Using a mop, clean the floor of the bathroom working your way towards the bathroom door as you clean.

Voila, you now have a clean, and sparkling bathroom without releasing any chemicals into your home, with the fresh smell of lime being the only thing lingering in the air.



Trapped in the Enviromental Cycle.

Throughout the day, I periodically scan through the contents of my "Home" section of facebook and read comments and postings from my Facebook friends. One of these friends had posted an interesting and what I perceive to be a rather alarming article from AOL News:
"Study: Probable Carcinogen Found in 31 US Cities' Water Supplies"

In response to this article, I stated that 'The comment "They are trying to scare people" is chillingly heartless in my humble opinion. It is a flashback to the reaction of personnel when this metal was first discovered in the water, as depicted in the movie 'Erin Brockovich'. This movie is based on actual facts, and if you are remotely interested in the significance of the contents of your water supply, as well as how these contents can reach your water supply, you should watch this movie.

Water in its purest form contains Hydrogen and Oxygen - we all know the formula H2O. Anything else has been added along the way, including naturally occurring pollutants as mentioned by another Facebook member who recommended a link which lead me to EPA - Current Drinking Water Regulations.


Then, in a moment of reflection, I arrived at a trend of thought (Oh oh one might correctly say). We complain about losing our loved ones to cancer, and we voice our complaints using our many laptops, high tech phones, computers, as we watch our many televisions, listen to streaming broadcasts, and microwave our food since we do not have time to cook as we are busy working and playing with our highly technological gadgets. It is in part the research, development and production of these gadgets that has taken the onus off of keeping the environment which we live in as pure as possible. I often say 'We can put men on the moon, look for life on Mars, but we cannot or will not secure healthy food and living for the inhabitants of our own planet." I am as guilty as anyone else. We are creating the demand for the focus on developing all these products which most likely increases pollutants in many ways. Am I any less guilty than the suppliers who focus their research on increasing profits and keeping abreast or ahead of the competition, instead of ensuring that harmful biproducts and waste from their product development are disposed of in a manner that is harmless? Our demand for these products leave the suppliers with little choice but to produce, and focus their resources towards research and development in order to outdo their competitors. WE create the demand and then condemn the suppliers. We purchase chemical oven cleaners, degreasers, chemical cleaning products that make our lives "much easier". 'Spray and wipe' for a beautiful clean look. Correction. 'Spray, inhale and wipe' for a beautiful clean look of our homes, cars, and offices. What do our lungs and other organs look like?

O goodness, I just read another Facebook comment on EPA's Allowable Standards for food. HELP.