Thursday, November 29, 2012

Let go yet?

Letting go .............

When one suffers a loss or heartbreak there is that constant advice from family, friends, and associates: "Just Let Go." 
Let Go of WHAT????  People assume that because you have suffered a loss, they know your pain, and they know that letting go of what they have diagnosed as your pain will solve everything.  Yes, the loss is the cause of your pain and suffering, but very few people ever immediately realize exactly what the loss  actually is, or represents.

Loss is a very personal devastation, and often we ourselves are incapable of explaining that desolated state that we find ourselves in. For instance, in a broken relationship, the partner who left might have been the scum of the earth, took your life savings, abused you mentally and emotionally, but yet there was some attraction on your part, and there was a relationship between you and this person.  Even if this person was treating you badly, you sincerely cared for this person. 

Are you hurting because of the declarations of love that you fear will never be heard anymore, or are you hurting because you feel stupid for being conned? It does not matter.  What they did or did not do no longer matters.  It is now part of the past.  All that matters is that you are hurting. Ultimately something has to change to stop the hurt.  It is critical that you identify all that needs to be changed,  and what exactly is it that you need to let go of in order to permanently effect  those positive changes.

Letting go is not that easy if one is not certain of what one is letting go of. Instead of focusing on the loss of person, place, or thing, and instead of reliving the pain and anguish by telling your story over and over again, try something new. Take a break from the endless communication with others, and begin communicating with yourself. Stop rehashing the hurtful story. It is past. Rehashing it repeatedly makes the past your present.  Instead, communicate with yourself.  Analyze yourself.   Work on building a relationship with yourself where you matter. Love yourself more, and learn more about yourself. Then perhaps you will not only discover what you need to let go of, but you may also discover it is much easier to let go. Perhaps the underlying cause is an emotional insecurity and/or vulnerability within yourself that you are trying to satisfy and fulfill with input from others. There is a lot of self-examination and critiquing to be done.  Along with this, you must also engage in a lot of mental and physical pampering of yourself.  There is a lot of self-loving to be done.

The time will finally when you can smile and truly understand it when you whisper to yourself the classic breakup line "It is not you, it is me".  You will realize that indeed it was a void within yourself that you were trying to fill.  Better yet, the time will come when you will have loved and nurtured yourself past the need to have your void filled, for there is no longer any void".

When you can comfortably smile and say to your past "It was not you, It was me", then you know you have let go. It really does not matter  what you let go of; what matters is that you recognized and let go of the void or misguided desire, and instead filled it with love of self. You will achieved a tremendous and awesome feeling of freedom, one that merits a fantastic celebration. Go out and celebrate daily.  Celebrate your new found contentment as you celebrate with your new best friend - yourself.   Smile at the world as you smile with yourself.

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Yvonne Michele Harris
YMH Enterprises, LLC.